Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Marriage and its Trends

In the recent times, it appears to have become a constant, to not marry but to be "together" works well for most, and some just don't want any part of it. Speak with some of the University Graduates, there views are very different now then they were before, some see that sacred vow to be the start of a cycle of pain. To just do what has been done for so many years previous in existing moment by moment. With that view, I thought it through, and really I think that may be only a part of the reason why it is so rare now.

Besides the fact, that many of my co workers from jobs previous would tell me they had been with so and so for how many years, not ever really expecting to marry. They have children, they live together it is almost the same, perhaps it is just the fact that the flexibility plays a role in that process. Just the fear of commitment, a contributing factor could be another reason. I will not offer definitive evidence because each person is different just as each couple is. What I will offer is my own insight on the sights I have seen and the people I have met.

If you look at those who are married they are often from a previous generation, whereby marriage was held in a high regard and promoted as such. They have kids, they both work you know the story. The sad part of it is that someone else often raises there children because of the ways of today. Working to many hours and getting paid to little money. Trying to survive and struggling to keep there lifestyle alive. Sometimes two jobs or more just to pay the monthly bills. They would say they are happy even with the undue stresses thus associated. It is a cycle they made the choice to be a part of and deal with the consequence of that choice. Interpretively speaking of course, each person can choose there own word they feel most appropriate to the circumstance. Love, and marriage, a dying viewpoint? I cannot say though I see, the trends have changed just as the times have. Now it is more about working to survive, living on the edge of bankruptcy to raise a child, a family, to keep things together to move forward. It is just so much to do in life and living that perhaps marriages has been placed on the back burner, because it is just as difficult to survive alone then to survive together. Again this is only one point of view, not definitive in any way as each person interprets the situation in there own way. It is merely what I have seen and understood when talking with so many individuals.

Things always go in cycles clearly, yet I wonder when this trend will go full circle. Maybe generations later, perhaps next year, hard to say with the economy in disarray. Still some make that choice to marry the one they love. Far more though make a different choice, they have more options now. They choose the route of least existence. In a relationship forever, just as a steady boyfriend and girlfriend. So there is my view on the said subject. Will you share yours?

Thanks for Reading

Sunday, January 13, 2008

A lost love, or a choice made you decide.

Been a time since I last wrote something here, in my journal, And now there is so much more to think about. A whole novel can be formatted with the conversations tonight on the phone. For now I will just start where it began.

Today I started to really think about the situation with some clarity, this relationship I am in. The fact that I am here and the plan that I travel back to California to stay a couple of months and get my affairs in order, then return to Ohio to stay for awhile. Seemed sound and fair, in the first conversations about that distinct set of possibilities, all was good until we started getting more involved in the plans for the future. The chance of me coming here to stay in Cincinnati, and marriage and all the storybook, once upon a times and the happily ever afters you could possibly ask for in an ideal world. To be honest some of that surprised me, I figured I just come stay for a bit and return to only leave again afterwards. And Richell, a girl you could say I was serious about more so then Sue the one I was going to visit. Her visit was planned and in the works she was expected to arrive in March it was January when I wrote this sitting in an airport waiting and pondering. A wonderful girl from Island of Cebu in the Philippines. I cared for her very much and when I think about it I wonder if it was mutual.

The middle of the month was my expected arrival date in Cincinnati. The plan was, when I made the decision to see Sue, I would leave from San Francisco Airport about Mid January and stay for a couple of months at which time I would return to California to keep things in order then return back to stay for an undefined time back in Cincinnati.

That of course, is not really the point. The situation has become a bit more complex. I have met her family, her friends and wonder what is expected as little has been said to make it more clear. In some regards, I was not clued in. In all the words exchanged, there were certainly pleasantries, but I could not decipher immediately what may of been between the lines, no hints and I surely was looking for them an astute observer I can be but body language can be cryptic. I will not go into the what ifs, the should a, could a, or would a, each alone can have its own volume, instead I need to write out the conflict of interest.

As it stands I plan to return to California and she offered to pay the bill, even though she also paid the ticket for my travel there, along with some spending money so I guess you can say I owed her though it was a result of many an in depth conversation on the phone and on line. I had planned to pay it back and still do.

The challenge goes beyond that, when I return to California, about the time Richell arrives in Los Angeles though at this time it has not been verified. Though a part of the conflict without confirmation, I am not sure the part she plays. Whether I choose to leave Sue, giving her the opportunity to find another who may be more compatible. While I host Richell in my house and in my bed. At this impasse I have none of the above except her dedication and her heart. The point is if I choose to instead marry Richell, or she has my child, it is more likely I would stay with her. Due to the fact that Sue already has two children from two different fathers, it is just not a quality I look for in someone who I may call my wife.

The challenge is how can I remain good friends with Sue and her family & friends? So when I do come back, regardless of how it goes down I would still be welcomed. It is certainly hard to say. So therein lies the challenge of this moment in comparison to moments before.

In the end, well things did not turn out as expected, I did not get back to Ohio within the allotted time, and consequently, though internally expected, Sue found someone else on myspace no less and she married and since then I have only heard from her briefly. Sometime has passed since then and you know the sad thing is, even with richell it never worked out, she married someone in Los Angeles, so close yet far away and had a child by him. I will say one thing according to what she has told me he is a good man, taking care of her when she was sick and offering his heart and his home. I look back and well a lesson was learned, as a result of a loss, I found that any one of those events could of been prevented had a kept to my time frame while making it a point to follow through.

Thanks for reading and Happy Holidays

Learn more about this author, Knatchwa

Monday, January 7, 2008

Is it worth it?

Sometimes as this journey continues I find myself wondering if it is worth continuing. With simple things become large things, the simplest ruffle in the supposed sea of love and suddenly all is off for the moment at least. I wonder now as I wondered then what is the reason love can be so difficult. Is it just the fact that as the journey continues so does the trials?

Or maybe it is just the fact that love is considered by one to be a very fragile thing while the other looks at it differently. Perhaps one notices and observes that love is a journey while perhaps the other considers that it is a destination.

So here I be pondering the possibilities. Is it worth the stress, the constant arguments? Or is it just not meant to be the case today, tomorrow, or next week? Maybe even next year, what a deeply engrained enigma is love. Will there ever be a time when it can be explained? Perhaps so or perhaps not. It is in this mystery that makes it most interesting as well as most frustrating. What does one expect from the other? How does it work when the view is different on both sides of the fence?

Maybe culture and its associated shock, confuses some and clarifies to others. The men are from Mars and Women are from venus, how appropiate is that? Does it actually hold true in loves excursions, its variatations?

I can only offer the questions and explain them according to me, your view may be different, and that is what makes each unique. It can be just so frustrating in existence and in this varied reality.

Friday, January 4, 2008

To say good bye to one you thought you loved

Todays existence is as diverse as the landscape. One moment someone acts like they care for you in all you are and who you will be and the next moment they just want to leave what you thought was solidified. Reality it would seem is not without a sense of irony. So another in the series of events with one who I cared for and yet I wonder if it was just a game or it was more real then that. I wonder what could of occured, what may of occured and how life could of been. To ponder such possibilities, to consider the fact that it may just be an extensive act is tough to understand and deal with. yet I wonder as I look at this situation. So many turns of events, so many occurences, simple as a forgotten birthday though not really forgotten, and not getting your way for some reason always expecting it. Is it a reason to quit such a relationship over a year and continuing onward to think that the plan was to go to phillipines, to go and see her, to perhaps take the steps to marry her. Apparently it was only a fantasy, a false idea of what was thought to be so ideal. Marriage in itself must be far more involved then all that to make it meaningful it appears. So I sit here wondering what could of been, what I thought was going to come together, to take such a trip to verify the dedication. Perhaps it was for the best, this turn of events.

I still care for you babe ko but apparently you do not feel the same. So take care and will talk to you another time in another parallel life or perhaps it will be all but forgotten. The future cannot be seen so I can only focus on the present and the possibilities of tommorow.

In Sadness posted, varying existence beyond the moment.