Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Quote - A Powerful Lesson

I'm so sorry Ray, i do love u, i do appreciate u, but i live in the real world so i need a real person. i tried to wait u for a long time... but i got nothing...
via sonja

As I have mentioned before on this blog, I have experienced many different levels, of powerful lesson in love through loss. As I realized today and looking back at the previous post, I understand better why things did not seem to work out. I look at my track record in love and certainly it is not spectacular, though there has always been one constant. That there can be love, but as it has been said many times in many different variations. Love is a wonderful thing, yet it is always fleeting. As love without action, and follow through is only a feeling running away from the person who did not take the steps to make a change to bring the love to fruition.

In that quote I added lovezlessons I realized that perhaps the challenge with love is that in and of itself, like a flower it withers without being taken care of, even a flower that seemed to have lasted six years with such a minimum of care will eventually falter, and slowly wither away. Just as this quote represents, she waited for me, sonja who waited for me for over six years and I kept in touch, I kept the communications open but never beyond that, there was only words, only messages, not a person, not handwritten letter only words on a screen. May as well just been another spammer when you consider that love as the flower withers without care, and if there is not a person, there is not a real being who communicates by the simple effort of writing a handwritten letter or showing proof that the love is truly there. Then it is like giving up and letting go, to see if the plant can survive on it's own, without care, without expression. The fact of course is that the plant will die, the beautiful flower will wither to nothing, without a person. Without a real connection. Lacking the touch, the feeling the existence, the actuality of the moment. Things which are so important, to keep the love alive, to keep it from flitting away and being lost till the end of the time we each have on this earth. It is not to say love is only a one time thing, more to say that love can be found once again but when it is lost it can be more difficult to find once again.

As we as humans adapt, sometimes for the better or worse, but we adapt. We become stronger supposedly, close our inner person up because we do not want to be hurt again, we try and fortify our true feelings figuring the world is a callus place. When in reality, the responsibility is with you and the person in the mirror. Simply put, such a circumstance can be slowed by taking the time to make the effort to add a bit of water, a bit of Tender Loving Care, to help the flower once again recall that there is life. There is existence, one can grow, can show in all it's glory.

It is merely a matter of action beyond the words of I love you, the proof positive that there is more to it, that there is love with a person not just with a machine, a being who only exists online never beyond that. When she said it like that, she lives in Real Life, she needs Real Love, it should of been seen as the clue, the key to help her grow. To help the love grow and progress and become what it truly is, more then just a feeling, a lifestyle. True existence, love, some say defy's definition. Really though, love is the whole package, the words, the actions, the simple and small little things that make the love special, make the flower see there is more to it, there is more to grow, more to experience. Truly love is a lifestyle, to do the simple things for the one you truly love, to offers non-judgemental ideas and opportunities.

Love can become life, if only it is remembered, how truly important it is to take action on the feeling, before the feeling flits away. I do not say I am a relationship counselor, instead I simply say I am a person who has experienced Love and Loss, and I am sure we each have had that experience. Certainly we adapt, we do what we can to improve who we are, the first step is always the most difficult, and words and action are two very distinct ideas and yet like the Yin and the Yang they complement each other. Words and Action brings results, a flower that is watered and taken care of will only grow and become more beautiful, while on the other side, if a flower is not taken care of, if no action is ever taken there is only death. There is only an end to existence, in a lonely life, for those last days as the colors fade away, and slowly but surely the flower that has not been taken care of will pass into oblivion. So really instead of death let there be life, let there be growth, simply take those actions in love, and grow through them, solidify what is true love by action, don't you agree?

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Love & Lost Phase II

Well the final straw went ahead and broke the camels back, in a letter from my ex to my good friend who we will call sonja, insulting her beyond any necessary scope and making her feel that she is hurting this supposed us that it seemed my ex thought there was between her and I. As a result sonja just informed me that she will stop all communication between her and I because of my ex and the letter she sent sonja, and myself disrespecting and insulting the both of us via friendster. Such insults that struck deep within sonja's kind heart, to a point where she then wanted to discontinue all communication and sever all ties. The sad thing is just the other day sonja had sent me a message, proclaiming that thank God for bringing me into her life. Even with such excitement and joy less than a day later this whole event took place, simultaneously severing all communications and hurting both sonja and I. One letter that was the last singular straw until the camel could handle no more. Such damage that destroyed a friendship built up over years and constant communication. To add insult to injury sonja and I were just about coming onto the 7th year we had kept in touch in so many days that have passed.

The question is if a relationship is built over a span of time, does it not seem that even the slightest ripple from the rock being thrown in the river have such a devastating effect? When a relationship is strong, shouldn't it then withstand the inevitable storms of life and jealous girls? It seems in my own view that a solid relationship built on a solid foundation should only become stronger, the bond more secure throught he good and bad times. The only reason a relationship would seem to fall apart before your eyes is if you built it on sand it will eventually collapse after only a few storms. Just as any foundation that is not fortified will eventually succumb to the ravages of time.

The situation in this particular relationship seems to relay that perhaps what was thought to be solid was never truly fortified and as a result one challenge in life, that results in being insulted without cause or reason, can be enough to break it apart. One singular message my ex decided to send to me and sonja, because she was unhappy that she was not getting her way and that the relationship was not working, could have such dire consequences. The annoying persistence of my ex simply because she was not getting her way. It may of been a series of things or that one straw hard to say when communication with the only other party involved is severed and disconnected. All because of a false assumption of my ex, figuring that by hurting the only other one I cared about who was one of my best friends would give her the way she wanted.

I can only close with saying how disappointed I am in my ex, as I figured she was better then that. On the other hand though, it was probably for the better so that my ex cannot hurt another with her scorn and jealousy based on a false assumption. The basis of this whole process, because I thought I could give my ex one more chance, my mistake it would seem. Vision is certainly 20/20 when you look back and step out of the personal aspect of it and see this situation for what it was. Simply a womens scorn from a false assumption and the jealousy of my ex thinking if she hurt another she would have me. I honestly cannot say what went down, only those two know what occured there and what lead up to the letter sonja sent me communicating that she wanted to sever all communications because she thought she was hurting my ex, when in reality my ex had already hurt herself.

The straw that broke the camels back, no more opportunities for my ex, no more chances for her, it over between her and I. I realize now that I really should of stopped this long before it reached this point, certainly at least sonja would not of then got hurt, and this article will never have been written. If it had, a different format, a separate idea following the same theme of Loves Lessons, harsh as a teacher love may be it can only improve who you are as you progress through the eventual challenges that are par for the course of life.

The final result, severance of communication to sonja, a person I cared about and was one of my best friends, lost because of a spoiled brats, scorn and jealousy. For now it ends, but you never know what tomorrow will bring, what next month will provide and be seen. Will it be the end or the beginning of a new chapter in life?

Stay Tuned ....